I’m at the stage in my life where I really must need to decide which things need to go and which ones need to stay.
One must notice I used the word “need”.
To put it simply, Im at the stage of my life where I feel I can do everything and everything is within my grasp. When you feel that way, you generally want more things, more accomplishments, more goals and everything is generally MORE that what is really needed is forgotten.
Like family time. Taking care of the kids.
Taking care of yourself.
Do you know that for the past two years the last thing I always pray to God is, “Tell me what you want me to do. Point me to that direction.” And for the past two years, I have NEVER felt so disoriented in my life.
This is the time when I got promoted at work, cash was pouring in, the kids looked like they were thriving, my relationship with my husband is becoming stable. Everybody thought I was going in the right direction.
Inside, I felt I was driving at 200kph and I was speed-racing to nowhere.
Yes, nowhere. I know whatever I was driving to really wasnt my goal – my destination. But since I was driving so fast and I was high with the thrill of it all, I was scared to put on the brakes and stop. Because I was afraid stopping was going to pull me out of equilibrium.
But God was still good to me. He gave me a chance to stop. He gave me an opportunity to take a break.
He has answered my prayers.
Now, Him answering my prayer isnt really going to be a walk in a park or a dream come true. I’m scared shitless of what “might” happen.
But you know, I thought about it in parts last night, on the way to work, while trying to think what needs to be done next and it all boils down to this: My kids need me. I need them.
We will survive.
I want certainty. I need faith.
I choose faith.
We will survive.
